Step Four: The Fearless (and Occasionally Hilarious) Moral Inventory
Ah, Step Four. The infamous "searching and fearless moral inventory." It's the part of the journey where we put on our detective hats, whip out a magnifying glass, and examine our inner lives like we’re the stars of some reality show called "The Real Overthinkers of Recovery."
If you’re a partner of a sex addict, you’ve probably felt the fear bubbling up as you approach this step. Maybe you’re afraid that once you start digging, you’ll uncover some untapped realm of ridiculous quirks, like the fact that you still sleep with your childhood blanket or that your irrational fear of squirrels might actually be holding you back in life (just me??? Really?? Ok.. well let’s move on from that awkward moment… lol ).
But here’s the truth: We’re all a little weird, and that’s okay! So, buckle up, because we’re diving deep, but we’re going to have some laughs along the way.
Fear #1: "I’ll find out I’m secretly a monster."
Spoiler alert: You’re not. Unless your inventory reveals that you’re secretly Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-ing your way through life, you’re in the clear. Most of what you’ll find is just... you being human. Congratulations, you’ve been human this whole time!
Patterns might emerge that make you go, “Ohhhh, that explains why I keep getting into the same situations over and over.” But don’t worry, it’s not because the universe hates you; it’s because you have a couple of emotional potholes you’ve been driving over without realizing it.
Fear #2: "I’ll have to admit I’m not perfect."
Ah, perfectionism, my old frenemy. Step Four is where we say goodbye to our inner overachiever who thinks everything must be flawless to be valuable. Spoiler: It doesn't. You’ve already won life just by being here, flaws and all.
In fact, take a deep breath and repeat after me: “Perfection is overrated, and I’m awesome just the way I am... especially when I’m in pajamas binge-watching Netflix.” Because, honestly, that’s peak self-care, right?
The Patterns: AKA "Why Do I Do This Weird Thing Every Time?"
One of the big "aha!" moments in Step Four is realizing you’ve got some habits that make you want to facepalm. Here’s a look at some of the fun ones I found during my own moral inventory:
People-Pleasing Extraordinaire: Oh, you need something? Sure, let me drop my entire life and well-being to handle that for you. People-pleasing is basically my superpower, but I’ve learned that it’s okay to say "no" every once in a while. And by "every once in a while," I mean more often than I say "yes" to everything.
Self-Doubt? More Like Self-Roast!: I used to think I wasn’t good enough for… well, anything. But guess what? If you’re reading this, you’re killing it. You don’t need to prove your worth by trying to single-handedly solve world hunger every time your friend asks for a favor. Sometimes, it’s okay to just be.
Fun Fact: Even My Defects Have Perks
Let’s be real: The phrase "defects of character" makes us sound like we’ve been built by a factory that accidentally skipped the quality control step. But let’s flip the script! Sometimes, these so-called "defects" are just misunderstood superpowers.
Overthinking: Sure, it’s exhausting, but overthinking has helped me ace some killer life strategies. Ever planned an event down to the color of the napkins? Thank you, overthinking.
Control Freak? Nah, I’m Just Organized: So maybe I like things a certain way, but that’s not always bad. Control freaks unite! We’re the ones who keep the world running like a well-oiled machine. You’re welcome. (and maybe thanks to my O.C.D.)
The Takeaway
At the end of the day, doing a fearless moral inventory can feel like stepping into a hall of mirrors. You see versions of yourself that make you want to laugh, cry, and maybe even high-five your past self for making it through some sticky situations.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. The fact that you’re even willing to take this step? That’s bravery right there.
So, go ahead and make your list. Yes, it’ll be a little scary, but it’ll also be empowering. You’ll uncover strengths you didn’t even realize you had (looking at you, person who can multitask like a boss!). You’ll find patterns that make sense of the chaos. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll laugh, and maybe cry here and there, at yourself along the way and all of that is ok.
Remember, growth doesn’t always have to be serious. Sometimes, it’s about celebrating the fact that, despite it all, you’re still here, still showing up, and still moving forward.
Oh, and if you’re still afraid of squirrels? No judgment here. Just maybe keep them out of your nut inventory.
