Step 5: The Awkward Confessions Club (But With Healing!)

So there I was, staring down Step 5
Step 5 of recovery goes like this: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. And my first reaction? A big “Nope! Not gonna happen… I’m out, I’m done! Exit stage right!”

Honestly, I’m the one going through the wringer here, right? How am I supposed to sit down and admit anything when I’m still feeling like the universe is throwing rocks at me? The idea of making amends while my world was still crumbling felt like I had wandered into the wrong movie set.

Step 5: Running a Marathon (In Heels)
In the early stages of trauma, the idea of baring my soul felt about as enjoyable as running a marathon in heels. (And trust me, I’d be limping by mile two.) Sitting in a room, surrounded by people, confessing my struggles? As a major introvert, I’d rather curl up under a blanket and hide.

Look, I get it. Some people thrive in these group settings where they can pour their hearts out and find comfort in shared experiences. And that’s amazing for them. But let’s be real: when you’re the partner of a sex addict, sometimes it feels like your support options are limited. Where’s the “One Size Fits All” guidebook for this chaos? Because I imagine the cover would read: “Soooo, You’ve Arrived... Welcome to the Insanity Zone—Now What?”…(hmm Actually, now that I think of it, maybe a guidebook with a little humor might be exactly what we need.)

Finding My Own Healing Spaces
For me, healing didn’t come from standing in a room full of people and spilling my guts. It came from trauma therapy (highly recommend), this blog (a little safe space to maybe help others), and creating this group where we could start building friendships and could talk about betrayal—or not talk about it. Life does move on, and sometimes you just need to chat about that latest Netflix binge or your newest hobby obsession.

Doing Step 5 My Way
Just because I didn’t do Step 5 the traditional way doesn’t mean I didn’t do the work. I admitted my wrongs—on my own terms—to people I trusted, people who could hold space for me without judgment. And no, these weren’t the big, glaring wrongs you might expect. They were subtler things like how I internalized blame, my fear of abandonment, my tendency to overthink, and my habit of burying emotions instead of feeling them.

Guess what? Admitting those things was healing. Even though my process didn’t look like everyone else’s, it still worked. It still counts. (Thank you Maggie!! You are the best!)

Takeaway: Healing is Messy, But It’s Yours

So, if you’re working through this journey, know that it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Whether you’re in a meeting, a therapy session, or just talking with a friend over coffee, remember: you get to work through these steps in your own way. And maybe Step 5 isn’t about spilling your soul to a group, but about opening up to someone who truly gets it, or at least someone who can listen without trying to fix things.

Healing is messy, and it rarely comes in neat little packages. But with courage, grace, and maybe a little humor, you’ll find your way. And in case anyone’s wondering, I’m still working on that marathon-in-heels metaphor. Maybe one day I’ll get there—or maybe I’ll just buy better shoes. Either way, Step 5, we did this—my way.

Previous
Previous

Step 6: The Moment I Surrendered... (And Learned to Chill)

Next
Next

Step Four: The Fearless (and Occasionally Hilarious) Moral Inventory