Step 11: The Art of Not Micromanaging Your Higher Power (And Other Lessons in Letting Go)

Ah, Step 11! The step that gently nudges us toward peace and trust with our Higher Power (HP), and basically tells us, “Hey, you can stop micromanaging the universe now.” Sounds calm and collected, right? Almost like we’re channeling our inner Zen master.

But let’s be real—if you're anything like me, the idea of "letting go" is the equivalent of walking into a room full of unsupervised toddlers. Your brain is shouting, “Who’s in charge here? What if something goes wrong?!” Surely, HP needs my advice on how to run things... right?

Spoiler alert: HP’s got this.

Trust Issues? Hello, My Old Friend

Step 11 is all about connecting with something greater than ourselves, but let’s be real—it's also about trust. And oh, hello, my old friend Trust Issues, back again for another round!

After years of perfecting my skills in micromanaging, emotional GPS-tracking, and trying to fix every possible scenario, the idea of just letting go feels like letting someone else drive while I’m clinging to the emergency brake.

But Step 11 gently reminds us: “You’re not in control. You’re not supposed to be in control. Relax—you’re just along for the ride.”

Micromanaging HP: A Full-Time Job You Don’t Need

Let me tell you, trying to micromanage HP is a lot of work. I’ve sent up more “suggestions” in prayer than I care to admit:

“Hey, HP, I’ve got this great idea for how you could handle my partner’s recovery. It’s foolproof!”

“HP, quick favor—can you keep my partner on the straight and narrow today? I’m kinda busy over here.”

But Step 11 keeps reminding me that this is not how it works. HP doesn’t need my to-do list. In fact, I’m pretty sure HP’s looking down at me with an amused grin like, “Aww, that’s cute. She thinks she’s in charge.”

Prayer and meditation aren’t about giving HP homework. They’re about seeking guidance, finding some peace, and (wait for it)… trusting that HP actually knows better than I do. Shocking, I know.

Meditation: A Comedy of Errors

And then there’s meditation. Oh, the joy of trying to quiet my mind! (insert my ADHD brain along with all the other chaos). Let’s just say it’s not exactly a spiritual symphony. Most of the time, it goes something like this:

“Am I meditating right? Why does my foot feel weird? Did I turn the oven off? Is my partner behaving right now? Should I text them? No, wait, I’m supposed to be meditating…”

Yeah, peaceful enlightenment this is not.

But here's the thing I'm slowly realizing: Meditation isn’t about nailing it. It’s about showing up. Even if my brain is having a karaoke party in the background, the point is I’m taking a moment to just be. HP isn’t sitting there with a clipboard, critiquing my meditation skills (at least, I hope not).

HP’s Will vs. My Will (Spoiler: HP Wins)

Here’s the kicker—Step 11 is also about asking for the knowledge of HP’s will, not mine. And, boy, that is hard. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking I knew exactly how things should go. My life (and my partner’s life) should look like this, with absolutely no room for any form of sex addiction or chaos, thank you very much.

But every time I tried to bulldoze my way through with my plans, I ended up… well, frazzled, exhausted, and completely off course. Step 11 reminds me that HP’s will might not look like my Pinterest-perfect vision, but it’s probably a whole lot better.

I don’t need to know all the details. I just need to trust that it’s all unfolding as it should. And you know what? That’s kind of a relief.

Step 11: Hope in Letting Go (Yep, Really!)

Here’s the weird part—Step 11 brings hope in the most unexpected way. It reminds me that not being in control is actually a good thing! Who knew?

HP is in charge, and let’s be honest, HP is probably way better at running the universe than I am. My job is simple: stay connected, seek guidance, and trust the process.

So, when I feel that familiar anxiety creeping in and I want to grab the reins of my partner’s recovery (and my own), I remember: HP’s got this. I don’t have to micromanage, control, or fix everything. I just need to be willing to listen, let go, and follow.

Relax, Trust, and Let HP Take the Wheel

So here’s to Step 11. Here’s to letting go of the need to control every single detail (even though it’s tempting). Here’s to connecting with HP in a way that brings peace, not panic. Here’s to admitting that I’m not in charge—and thank goodness for that.

Remember, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, trusting, and letting HP do the heavy lifting.

And if you ever find yourself tempted to grab that control baton again? Just relax, maybe grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment), and remember: HP’s got this. You’re right where you need to be.

Now breathe, my friend. The universe will not implode today. 😉