Step 12: The Spiritual Awakening (and Other Surprises No One Warned Me About)

So here we are at Step 12. The big one. The final frontier. The moment when, after all this work, we’re supposed to have a spiritual awakening, carry the message, and practice these principles in all our affairs. Easy, right? If by "easy" you mean constantly surprised that you’re still standing, then, yes. Totally easy.

I mean, let’s get real for a second. "Spiritual awakening" sounds lovely, doesn’t it? But let’s just say, for a partner of a sex addict, this whole process isn’t exactly waking up to a peaceful sunrise over a serene lake. It’s more like waking up to find your kitchen on fire, and you’re holding a fire extinguisher that only sprays glitter.

Wait, I Had a Spiritual Awakening?

Apparently, spiritual awakenings aren’t as dramatic as I thought they’d be. There were no clouds parting or angels singing. (Though, that would've been nice for a little flair.) Instead, my spiritual awakening felt more like this: I woke up one day, looked at the chaos of life around me, and realized I was still here. Still breathing. Still loving. Still putting one foot in front of the other, even though I’d been through what felt like an emotional rollercoaster—with a side of whiplash.

And here’s the kicker: I wasn’t just surviving anymore. I was healing. (And sometimes even laughing, which feels like a miracle in itself.)

That’s the thing about a spiritual awakening, it sneaks up on you. You think it’s going to be this big, shiny “aha!” moment, but it’s more like realizing, "Oh, hey, I’m stronger than I thought I was. I can do this."

Carrying the Message: Sharing the Mess and the Miracle

Now, Step 12 tells us to "carry the message." I don’t know about you, but there are days when I think, What exactly is the message I’m carrying? Something like: “Hey everyone, guess what? Life is messy. And healing? Even messier. But there’s hope in the chaos, so hold on tight!”

And before you ask—no, carrying the message does not mean you need to go door-to-door like an old encyclopedia salesman. Nobody’s expecting you to knock on someone’s door and hand out pamphlets about recovery. This isn’t the 1950s, and honestly, I’m not sure anyone wants to see me pop up on their porch in this emotional state. Instead, it’s about sharing the real stuff: the victories, the struggles, and all the bits in between. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole process, it’s that we’re not alone. As partners, we carry the weight of someone else’s addiction, but we’re also carrying our own healing.

Sometimes, carrying the message isn’t about being an expert on recovery. It’s about saying, “Hey, I get it. This stuff is hard. But look at us! We’re doing it anyway. One awkward, messy step at a time.”

Practicing the Principles in All My Affairs (Yes, Even When I’m Hangry)

Here’s the fun part: practicing these principles in all my affairs. And by “fun,” I mean, “Oh great, I have to be spiritually awake all the time now?”

Practicing these principles means applying all the lessons we’ve learned—not just when it’s easy or convenient, but even when we’re tired, frustrated, or (dare I say it) hangry. It’s about showing up with grace, even when it feels like the last thing I want to give. It’s about taking responsibility for my own actions and emotions, without trying to duct tape everyone else’s together.

And trust me, I’ve tried. But newsflash: duct tape fixes everything, except relationships.

Hope in Progress, Not Perfection

If there’s one thing Step 12 has taught me, it’s that hope doesn’t come from getting everything right (because let’s be real, that ship sailed a long time ago). It comes from showing up, doing the work, and accepting that healing is like trying to fold a fitted sheet—there’s no perfect way to do it, but somehow, you get it done, even if it’s a little lopsided.

Hope isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. If we’re practicing these principles, being honest, open, and just trying our best, then we’re already winning. The goal isn’t to ace the test; it’s to keep going, even when it feels like everything’s held together with duct tape and wishful thinking.

So, embrace the progress, not the perfection. Every awkward conversation, every baby step forward, counts. We’re learning, growing, and somehow (miraculously) making it work.

Final Thoughts: Here’s to the Awkward Awakenings

So, here’s to Step 12. Here’s to our spiritual awakenings—whether they’re quiet whispers of strength or loud, messy realizations that we’re stronger than we thought. Here’s to carrying the message, sharing our stories, and finding hope in the middle of the chaos.

And most of all, here’s to practicing these principles in all our affairs. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s awkward. Even when we’re still learning how to trust ourselves, our partners, and this crazy journey of healing.

Because at the end of the day, we’re doing the work. We’re moving forward. And we’re finding hope, one imperfect step at a time. (Just watch out for the emotional baggage. It’s lurking around every corner, and I swear it’s a ninja when you least expect it.)