Pain Shopping: Are We All Secretly Bargain Hunters for Misery?
You ever find yourself scrolling through old texts, peeking at someone’s social media, reliving past arguments, or digging up a situation you know is going to make you feel worse, but you do it anyway? Welcome, my friend, to the wild world of pain shopping….. and it’s not fun.
Yeah, it’s a thing. And no, it's not about buying a fancy new exercise machine that will sit in the corner collecting dust while you binge-watch your favorite show. Pain shopping is when we go out of our way to find something that makes us upset or confirms our pain—even when we know it's not good for us. It's like we’ve got a mental shopping cart and, instead of filling it with happiness and cute cat videos, we toss in guilt, regret, and anxiety for good measure.
How Do You Know You’re Pain Shopping?
There’s a fine line between normal overthinking and pain shopping. Maybe you’re just venting—or maybe you’ve crossed into the territory of actively searching for things that sting, all while knowing full well it’s not going to end with you singing “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.
Here are some classic signs you're pain shopping:
You know it’s going to hurt, but you look anyway (like stalking your ex’s new relationship status...why do we do this?).
You replay painful memories like they're your favorite movie on repeat.
You spend more time in "what if" land than actual reality.
You scroll through the comments section of a heated argument just to get fired up—ouch.
Why Do We Do This?
We all have our reasons, but pain shopping usually serves one main purpose: to confirm the negative feelings we already have. It’s like your brain says, “See! I told you everything is terrible.” And the longer you do it, the more it becomes a habit—rewiring your brain to expect and seek out pain. It’s like building a superhighway of negativity in your noggin.
So, Is Pain Shopping a Load of Crap?
I mean, in theory, it sounds ridiculous. Why would anyone purposely choose to wallow in misery? But here’s the catch: we don’t always know we’re doing it. The brain is tricky like that, making us think we're just "getting closure" or "seeking the truth," when in reality, we're just reinforcing the pain we already feel.
Now, let’s be real—it is a load of crap, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It’s just a crappy habit we can fall into if we’re not careful. And much like doomscrolling at 3 AM, it’s not doing us any favors.
Breaking the Cycle: New Neural Pathways to the Rescue
Good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in the misery mall. The same way you’ve trained your brain to pain shop, you can train it to start stocking up on positivity instead. It’s all about building new neural pathways. And no, I don’t mean joining a monastery (unless that’s your thing). Small, everyday choices can fill the space pain shopping leaves behind.
Try this:
Notice the pattern. Awareness is key. The next time you catch yourself reaching for that mental discount rack of doom, pause and ask yourself, “Is this going to help or hurt?”
Replace the habit. When you catch yourself pain shopping, swap it for something that makes you feel good. Call a friend, take a walk, watch a funny video, ANYTHING to start building new, happy pathways.
Celebrate the wins. Every time you choose not to pain shop, give yourself credit. Your brain’s learning new tricks, and that’s something to be proud of.
Final Thoughts
Pain shopping might feel like you’re just checking in on your emotional stock market, but let’s face it—you're buying misery on credit and the interest rates are brutal. The more you practice positive habits, the less space you leave for negative ones. So next time you feel like taking a deep dive into the emotional bargain bin, take a breath and ask yourself: Is this really worth the pain? Probably not.
And hey, if you ever find yourself tempted, just remember—there are much better things to shop for than heartache. Like happiness. Or a really good sandwich.
